U/C/C/P/S IS 99% ECO-FRIENDLY
Our couriers are "Jailinks" -- a special subspecies of the common Neotibicen tibicen -- and they can be only found in the isolated deserts of planet Llun within the Twilight System. Their incredible evolutionary prowess has granted them the unco ability to consume space waste! While they never turn down a chance to devour space itself (or anything else remotely raspberry-flavored), these massive cicadas have learned to fully utilize the atomical makeup of their meals to avoid the excretion of waste. Their unique skill allows them to subconsciously transmute their intakes into the necessary vitamins and chemical compounds for their dietary needs, which has entirely stunted their waste production. By investing in Jailink cicadas as mail couriers, we've significantly reduced intergalactic travel's carbon footprint, and you can rest assured knowing your mail will reach you without clogging up the dazzling emptiness of space. Let's keep the roads beautiful!
Universal Cicada Courier Postal Services
NO ONE CAN HEAR YOU SCREAM IN SPACE
So why not send a letter? The U/C/C/P/S (under the Morrowe Foundation's cautious regulation) is here for your every postal need. Near or far, no matter the star, we'll bring your mail to where you are! Our friendly cicada mail carriers have been known to travel at approximately 930 lightyears per minute (when well-fed), ensuring you receive your mail as fast as cosmically possible. Don't believe us? Our Same-Timeline Delivery Services will have your mail delivered at the *snap* of your fingers; give it a try the next time you deliver through us! Just remember to pop a breath mint or three.
The cicadas do get a bit quirky at night!
(for legal reasons, this is a joke)
